First, as a hyper-romantic person, you might simply be incompatible with aromantics/grey romantic people, especially if you can't understand where they're coming from. We talked about how we can try having sex more often but it isnt a quantity issue. But you can’t force it by going on dates. Resulting in one or both partners feeling dissatisfied in the relationship. I have been in your shoes before and I can say it was the worse mistake I ever made because I ended up hurting a woman who never did me anything wrong. Vin--Venture. This unmet need grew over the years, i mentioned it two years ago and it damaged his self esteem which i did not want to break hence why i didnt talk about it. The "honeymoon" phase of a relationship when the other person is just the best thing ever, can last about two years. Because you don’t, you’ll leave after signs of aging. He has told my friends I am very attractive and that he thinks I’m great, and I think he’s amazing. I need to find someone physically attractive but also personality can make someone physically attractive for me. We're both in our mid twenties. This is very true, honeymoon phase should be pretty smooth sailing. Sometimes we can get caught up in the whole of pomp and circumstance of sex, but I still love the small stuff: holding hands, cuddling, kissing. So I guess for the majority of people, physical attraction is not an essential thing. Maybe count calories with her. I have a really good friend who I found out really likes me. Give it a few more dates. For extra context, my partner went through a depressive time and gained about 70 lbs in the process. You'd probably upset her and there wouldn't be anything you or she could do to improve the situation. For example a common one is you don't see this relationship having a future. Sure, attraction can grow from getting to know someone’s personality. Including you potentially someday. You said looks vs personality in the title, but then attraction vs good personality in the description. That’s the problem, the emotional connection is what created the attraction, but if you lost faith in him, that emotional connection has been reduced, damaged or lost. After failing at that many times, and Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. Gave chances to guys I wasn’t physically attracted to but had things in common with. If we do have sex, I only enjoy when he goes down on me but other than that there isn’t anything that satisfies me. misfit_11. You’re in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so if there are already issues with your attraction to her I’d break it off. cigancica. However, over a long period of time it seems that some of this attraction tends to diminish as you frostbyte91. Some of you are using “attractiveness” and “attraction” interchangeably, which I think is the problem. If sex and attraction is a top priority for you (and its totally cool if it is) then there is nothing wrong with leaving someone who doesn't fulfill that for you. This. Don’t drag this on if you’re not on the same page. 3 more replies. You put off an energy and women pick up on that. 253K subscribers in the BreakUps community. Use it wisely. In fact, pretending is even more hurtful. These feelings can be helped with intimacy and especially sex. •. The point of finding love is that is carrys you through when other things fade. coldbloodednuts. • 5 yr. While I don’t truly believe physical attraction is 100% a basis for a LTR, I do thing that it does play a role regardless, at least 20% of it. 908K subscribers in the Advice community. But having someone I'm emotionally and physically attracted to really makes me crave being their presence. How long do you wait to feel physically attracted to a potential partner? Given the person checks almost every other box you’re looking for in a… The only thing that really bothers me is her lack of physical fitness, but unfortunately I'm starting to completely lose my physical attraction to her. Break up and Find a new guy who excites you. That there alone should be a deal breaker. You have an opportunity to redefine your life, and many don’t, or won’t, ever give themselves the chance. Physical attraction, chemistry and emotional intimacy are generally what differentiate a romantic relationship from a platonic one. We’ve been together for 4 years and over time I feel like I lost physical attraction for her. She told me she wanted to get married but I just don’t see myself spending the rest of I recently broke up with my girlfriend of two years because I was never really physically attracted to her (of course I didn't tell her that). You’ll only hurt him. OP this absolutely makes sense. Hence why you see couples who stay married for 50+ years and still love each other even when they're wrinkly and gray. This has been really tough for me. Anyone break up with their partner due to no physical/sexual attraction but care about them so much? Breaking up is like i am the one being broken up with I'm crying so much and feel sick with the thought about how much he must be hurting and can't imagine never seing him again he is so perfect Physical attraction matters. Someone can be not very attractive at all physically, and someone can still be attracted to them chemically. the-nomad-thinker. Not because I believe physical attraction is the be all end all, but because you have expressed that this is so important to you to the point it is making you question a future with him. Initial attraction is much more fleeting than the emotional and mental attraction that builds over time for me. Second, when it comes to all the non-sexual activities, friends do those things - they hang out, they grab food, they text. For me, it's usually obvious. ADMIN MOD. If you aren't physically attracted to her then this will be a problem, and usuay means breaking up. End it. As a guy, physical attraction is going to be the #1 priority in a partner. The thing is, I really did love her. Advice: break up with her so she can meet someone better than you. Advice Needed. I’m F (24) losing physical and sexual attraction for my boyfriend (24). In the last 8 years there was one brief period 5 years ago where he lost the weight briefly and my sexual attraction for him was off the charts. . There’s no real way to be nice about it or not hurt her feelings so it might not go well, but if you love her you have to at least try to get her to lose it before you lose her. If your premise of not being physically attracted to your partner anymore is the root issue here, then you’re likely not connected emotionally/spiritually/mentally. I get real tired of everybody saying that physical attraction isn't everything. As a woman approaching her 40s, I do believe that your time is precious and that you shouldn't waste time on men you don't find Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. Physical attraction vs emotional attraction. I can confidentially say I don't need initial physical attraction at all in the beginning. 47M subscribers in the AskReddit community. Over the past couple years, especially the last year, she's gained a bunch of weight, and I'd This is a sub that intends to be positive about dating, sex, and relationships over 40, and that includes being positive or at least civil towards all genders and life stages. Do you think physical attraction is important. I've never been treated so well. Extreme-You6235. However, he is not physically attractive to me and just isn’t my type. Valuable_Salad_9586. That’s okay if you break up with your girlfriend after weight gain if appearance is that important, but you shouldn’t be telling her you want Physical attraction is probably more important to me to start. ZIP. This same question keeps getting asked on Reddit over and over again. When breaking up with my last boyfriend, I said to him “I don’t want you to not be in my life” and so we did the whole friend thing after, but once I started to get over the relationship, I actually ended up ghosting him because the emotional bond we had/my demisexuality was the only thing making me want to remain close to him. what they look like unposed), but physical attraction is more complicated - slightly - as confidence and body language (in particular facial muscles) plays a large part. r/Christianmarriage. Look to someone’s virtue first, and you may often find that physical attraction grows once you get to know them. 1. When we first got together, she was sweet, cute, just slightly overweight, and full of life. Attraction may grow or never develop. Some people can have compatible, connected relationships devoid of physical intimacy and both parties are content with that dynamic. And we are like a perfect match. You can try a coat of makeup, let the hair down, pull of the glasses, but that's all bullshit. My girlfriend is picking up on this because she has a really high sex drive and is constantly trying to initiate sex even though I’m rejecting sex more and more often. Oh, yes it is. In my experience, definitely. Sort by: Best. Physical attraction is a nice thing to have, and yet, most couples out there are average or below. We’ve been dating for 4 years and I don’t feel the desire to have sex with him anymore. If that's what you prefer, that's what you prefer, and everybody else can piss off. slams gavel. ) Has anyone experienced something similar? Is it possible to remain friends? Anyone experience losing physical attraction to a partner? I’ve been dating someone a few months now, and the first month or two I remember feeling quite physically attracted. It has to be there for the relationship to make sense. I’d find it sweet and more attractive than over confidence. kizzyjenks • 2 yr. It’s important to be attracted to them, but after so long, when you’re older and your sex drives change Attraction is important, the amount you value physical attraction is a personal thing. So deal with that issue, either you both need to work to rebuild the emotional connection, or you need to move on because as is, it obviously isn’t working…. 2. Physical attraction shouldn’t be the main reason you’re with someone (not saying it is) so you should think about if you’re happy to stay with her for personality alone. Unless the two of you both believe that physical attraction is unimportant and a relationship is more transactional (A is a good partner) you may need to accept that this person should just be a friend, not a partner. As another poster said, it's better to walk now instead of realizing it after marriage and kids! It’s super important. You clearly can. We haven't had sex in many months and quite honestly I don't want it. Ongoing support for break ups. Bc I really dont want to end it with him, I really love being with him, and how sweet and funny he is. e. feelsbad121212. throwaway_3719. Unfortunately, you really do need that initial spark of physical attraction to get things going. Reply. He’s loving… Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. I (26M) don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend (26F) anymore. On top of all this HE was the one with a porn addiction that was making me insecure since the beginning of our realtionship. In the beginning of any relationship, it seems that physical attraction seems to be the highest. It's a place where you can share your struggles and victories. Wild chemistry; zero physical attraction. To encourage and support her to lose weight is one thing and you can't help how you feel but I see so many of these posts about people giving up when the attraction wains. This is accompanied by feelings of nervousness and even some butterflies due to the overwhelming amount of attraction you have for this individual. Its fine to highly value physical attraction, and therefore if one loses attraction for another over time, they should be allowed to explain their feelings, explain why theyd prefer to separate, and thats that. It can definitely kill a physical attraction when someone is just talking at you all night instead of with. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. TL;DR same situation as OP, passed it off as a shallow thought that would go away, blew up and ended 2 yr relationship. Physical attractiveness is definitely an advantage in dating, but certainly not a requirement in order to date. Give yourself permission to open yourself to the world rather than close yourself off in grief and sorrow over what could have been. A place where you can pray and encourage others. 5 or 8. So, if one or both partners aren't physically attracted to one another, there will probably be issues in the bedroom. I still don’t even know if I have ROCD, but I’m just really worried that the physical attraction won’t come back. If she suddenly starts looking a lot better to you, there's your solution. Because of this lack of physical attraction, I’m starting to feel like my relationship with her is becoming more like a platonic friendship rather than a romantic relationship For me, strong sexual attraction is one of the fundamentals of an intimate relationship. Emotional compatibility matters. I've had LDR relationship in the past where we both wanted the same things & were on the same mental, emotional wavelength but on our first meeting, NOTHING. We didn't break up because of my lack of initial attraction to him though. break up then. People should be absolutely infatuated in the honeymoon phase, if issues arise now it’s probably going to be rough. It's entirely up to you how important that is in your relationship; no one can tell you. Sex matters. Everybody has issues that they run into, and… If it's the latter, it might not be helpful at all to bring it up. Some problems may go away if we’re in the same place, but I don’t know how the physical attraction issue would go away Yes, it's scientifically proven that people become more attractive to you the more exposure you get to them. I'm not going to build emotional attraction to someone I'm not physically attracted to. Looking for advice / insight / opinions on how i should approach this. 6. A place where you can testify about what God has If physical attraction is that important, I feel like you shouldn’t be claiming you want to spend the rest of your life with anyone at all. someone who you have an incredible physical attraction with (10 out of 10), but poor personality match or compatibility (5 Makes attraction really confusing lol. • 2 yr. But it's probably unfair to continue dating her if you literally feel no physical attraction to her. I think physical attraction is important for a relationship. If someone was keeping me on the hook and was totally not physically attracted to me, I'd be insulted. Please don’t assume you’re “saving her feelings from being hurt” by not telling her you’re not attracted to her. Don’t let these bitter old woman here shame you. In my opinion, a deep emotional attraction is what builds the foundations of a relationship. Share . That’s not to say that you don’t like them as a person, but physical attraction often is influenced by those other forms of connection too. Even non romantically, you find people in your life better looking the longer you know them. Both. About developing attraction over time, once you're an adult time only changes people for the worse, not counting drastic body changes (like losing over 100 pounds) the person is more likely to get more unattractive as time goes, that said, attraction is just not that important (At least to me). Some people cannot separate romantic love and physical attraction, while others can. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. This will be a case of don't tell him the absolute truth just give him some reason or excuse and be done with it. -Proverbs 31:30. I've dated plenty of guys i didn't find very attractive, and they were good relationships. 3. The men your friends are attracted to are not the men that you find attractive, and that's okay. Feelings of attraction or lack thereof are a useful marital discernment tool and they should be heeded as such. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It would harm my self confidence and trust in the other, it will mean the end of the relationship. Chemistry matters. He isn’t unattractive by any means, but not my type, and I never had any attraction towards him beyond Not at all. I can't tell you the difference I've noticed even with friends of mine when I'm "on" vs when I'm not. And someone can be very objectively attractive and you can be not attracted to them. Looks is more general attractiveness (i. The other way around is true, if I start to have feelings or physical attraction for someone else I break up. And I definitely still feel the emotional and intellectual attraction. Help! TL;DR, Have a great relationship with my bf of 8 months, but have lost physical attraction for him. Before that, we went on a break (I tried to break up) because of a lot of similar issues which makes me feel like it’s not just long distance. If your goal is to ask her to change for you, be prepared that she might refuse or even break up with you for asking. Separately, in my humble opinion, love (platonic or romantic) needs respect, and means wanting and choosing the best for someone. In addition, of course there is stuff going on mentally with your gf. If a woman on r/dating asks about whether looks matter, it’s an actual conversation about how appearance and sexual attraction is the first and foremost factor on your chances of dating, and while it isn’t absolutely everything, it’s the absolute most important way to get your foot in the door. In my experience and observations, unattractive men have been worse than attractive men. About a year ago I started working out, slowly at first, but as time went on I grew into it quite heavily, especially as I was making great progress. That's it you don't have to say anything else. Baberaham_. She deserves a man who is attracted to her. This girl is straight up lacking an ineffable quality that makes her physically attractive to you. You wouldn't date someone you weren't attracted to, and you shouldn't have a relationship with them, either. If it's urgent, send us a message. She walked in and brightened up my life considerably and I've had the most fulfilling journey with her. I just was afraid that, down the road, the lack of physical attraction thing was going to become a bigger and bigger issue. I (37M) have been with my partner (35F) for about 4 years. I was not attracted to her during it, but I stayed even though I was unhappy, because we had such a long IMO, to have a healthy relationship you need physical, emotional and sexual attraction (last one depends if both are asexual or something). You're not a bad person. Share. Equal-Cranberry5657. JoeyDawsonJenPacey. Seeking Advice. He gained it all back and some soon after. You hear stories all the time from women saying a guy was totally not her type, but they have been together for several years now. You're unhappy, or else you wouldn't be posting here. That being said, physical attraction, especially if you plan on being intimate is important. She wants me to be affectionate etc but I just don’t feel it anymore. Compromise only gets you so far in relationships. If you want to see a great looking guy with options, the bachelor is it. In the end, I have to have both, but physical is most important as it allows for emotional to occur. Open comment sort options My boyfriend of two years (I’m F21 he’s M20, 2 month difference, we’re in a long distance relationship) is absolutely amazing. Otherwise, MAFS is supposed to highlight arranged marriages between everyday, regular people. It develops over time, and it has even taken 3 months for me to feel physical attraction to someone once. I’ve discussed with him things I want to try like using toys I think that physical attraction does matter, but that we all have different standards as to what physical attraction is. It might hurt both people a lot as well, its just that one side needs to move on so that they can go live their very best life. Somehow they manage to find partners based on things other than good looks. I think attraction is much more than just how you look. Christian Marriage is a subreddit for marrieds, soon-to-be marrieds, daters, and singles for discussing all things related to marriage from a Christian perspective. as long as you're having fun than just enjoy yourself and dont worry about it. So yes, it’s extremely important in my opinion. r/AskReddit Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Just more rare. No, if you're not attracted to him 100% then don't force it. The longest was only 1 year, most of it being great. Attraction is not a choice, it's primal. Also word of advice, if you're having to force physical attraction in the beginning it doesn"t bode well for the relationship, at least in my experience. I'm not saying she will, but it's a possibility. If one is not 100%, the relationship will fail eventually. Quite often when a woman develops a very strong connection to a man, her female brain can slowly turn his appearance into what she likes. I tried to WILL the attraction into existence but it wasn't happening. Forget about the looks or the attraction, but seems like he’s looking for a serious relationship and you’re not. Yes. It varies with the person, but as a general statement, physical attraction is the most important thing in today's dating market by just orders and orders of magnitude. Emotional attraction does build over time which for some people is enough to compensate for any loss of physical attraction. Just wait for someone who’s a good partner and who you find attractive. amantelascio. • 11 yr. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Totally agree that physical attraction is very important in a relationship, but remember looks always fade/change over time. I think a couple of times it developed over time, so I believe that that's possible too. ago. if you enjoy the time you spend together and you feel like you are the "attractive one" than try doing some playful teasing. Physical attraction is important. It never gets old. When I get into periods of time when my libido is low and I’m not feeling super into my partner, I still find physical connection to be super important. If it's enough to break up with her, then it's obviously an important thing for you so you should consider it as a criteria when selecting your dates. Thanks! I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Reply reply. This is accentuated by the fact that I'm in the best physical shape of my life and I can't help feeling resentful. Mutual Attraction is essential to a romantic relationship. No matter HOW many other dating boxes she checks off for you, if she doesn't turn you on physically, none of the rest of it matters. Physical attraction can help solidify that connection you have with your partner, especially if you’ve only contacted them I cant say for sure because we’ve been long distance for 2 years. Nothing else even comes close. Say the things you always wanted to say. MembersOnline. Sex became less frequent because the attraction just wasn’t there. ) Make the most of what you've got, expand your horizons, and meet yes, physical attraction can grow over time. As for if it matters to me, not all that much. NADA. This isn't a religious issue. Both you and your gf have the right to be attracted to specific things. The 1 out of 10 times they start with emotional attraction is when it's someone you know/work with/etc and get to know more and while you weren't at first physically attracted the emotional attraction takes over and takes them from a 5 (in your eyes) to a 7. If not, do both of you a favor and end it kindly. The shape of her body is a deal breaker for you. Dating less attractive men is not the solution. Losing physical attraction to partner. This is a sub that intends to be positive about dating, sex, and relationships over 40, and that includes being positive or at least civil towards all genders and life stages. So recently with heavy heart i kinda turned down a guy because i felt no attraction towards him although i feel he is like my twin soul as we havw similar views on many aspects . Yes, physical attraction is important in the long run. There are many things a person can be attracted to when they get a chance to get to know a person (personality, intelligence, values, kindness, adventurousness, etc. [TLDR]: Broke up after lack of physical attraction, still friends, still struggling with feelings (towards each other and own feelings of guilt. I never faced - and would never want to - a situation in which my partner confessed physical attraction for someone else. Over time, we moved in together, then actually bought a house, some pets, the whole shabang. Don’t try to date someone you could never find attractive, yet remain open. According to multiple surveys, approximately 80% of men are unattractive to women, while 80-90% of women are attractive in the eyes of men. They show platonic appreciation through gifts. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. Award. Life has up and downs people gain and lose. Physical attractiveness tend to open doors, but emotional attractiveness allows you to walk on in. These aren't the same thing. Archived post. It's not an optional extra that you can build towards. After that the intense feelings of desire and capital "L" Love will mellow out. Look, everyone has different priorities. Going past 2 or 3 dates is essentially wasting their time/stringing them along, so I’d break it off. I really enjoyed the hugs and the hand holding. My primary lack of disinterest is someone who doesn’t let me join the conversation or who doesn’t listen when I do. For women, I'd say physical attraction can grow over time if there are other desirable traits. • 1 yr. Eventually, as bottling up emotions does, it blew up in our face, and was the catalyst to end the relationship. They’re usually more insecure and will try to bring you down a peg. I feel totally upset since that , like people around me says i took wrong decision , k always thought i am attracted to It depends on the person tbh but most of the time I can feel the physical attraction once there is a deep emotional connection. Physical attraction is an important aspect of sex and most marriages contain sex as a component. [deleted] Awkwardness can be endearing I think. That's a good enough reason to end the relationship. gi of gu dr kf ke vz yq fa ll